DATE NIGHT WEEK 4


Is There Hope for Us? – Marriage in Light of God’s Promises


FIRE STARTER

Marriage Pictionary or Charades – Think of words or situations that will help you and your spouse recall positive memories. For example, draw the place where you got engaged, act out your fist kiss or mime an inside joke. As you draw or act these memories, rejoice in the symbols, rituals and unifying meanings that make your marriage special.


WATCH TOGETHER

Session 5: https://www.youandmeforever.org/study-videos%E2%80%A8%E2%80%A8


ASK, LISTEN, SHARE

Discussion Questions:


1 – Picture standing with your family before God at the end of your life. If your marriage continues on just as it is, what do you think you will regret when you look back on your marriage that day? What would it look like to begin weeding out these elements now?


2 - If you were given the choice today between staying with your family longer and going immediately to be with Jesus, which would you choose? Don’t just give the church answer, try to be completely honest. What would make this decision difficult? Which factors push you one way or the other? What do you think your honest answer reveals about your heart?


“If you are hesitant to affirm that you would choose to be with Jesus immediately, it’s likely that your spouse is serving as a replacement for God in some sense. This is common, even in Christian marriages. We look to our spouses for validation, identity, reassurance, and love. Of course, God designed marriage as a means of meeting many of our needs. But ultimately, everything we need comes from God. He often chooses to use our spouses in meeting our needs, but if my hope or identity becomes rooted more in my spouse that in God, then my spouse has become an idol, and I am not relating to God properly.


You will probably be quick to deny that your spouse functions as an idol in your life, but I’m asking you to take some time to consider this possibility. Think about the way you view your spouse, the way you relate to one another, and how all of this ties in with your relationship with God.” -Francis Chan, You and Me FOREVER study guide. 


3 – Generally speaking, what things do we try to get from our spouses that we should be getting from God? Specifically, what are you trying to get from your spouse that should ultimately come from God?


PRAY FOR ONE ANOTHER

Spend some time in prayer. Ask God to shape your heart and imagination with His promises. Pray for faith to cling to these and ask Him to empower you as you seek to shape your life in light of eternity. 


EMBERS

Choose and review one main thought from tonight’s time together that you want to remember and apply.



Date night Week 3


Don’t Waste Your Marriage - Marriage in Light of our Mission


FIRE STARTER


Mission Impossible? – Take turns blindfolding and guiding each other through an obstacle course in your living room. Scatter random objects over the floor and use verbal cues to help your spouse dodge the mines. Practice listening to and relying on your spouse’s influence to gradually grow more comfortable sharing power in life’s larger decisions on mission together.


WATCH TOGETHER 
Session 4: Marriage in Light of Our Mission


Videos found here: https://www.youandmeforever.org/study-videos




ASK, LISTEN, SHARE 


Discussion Questions:


The mission is always before us: make disciples. Your busy schedule, your unhealthy focus on your family, your pursuit of your own desires- these things don’t negate the mission, they just show that you’ve been neglecting it. It’s time to get yourselves focused on the mission again. In reality, this will involve every aspect of your life. Use the following suggestions to get yourself started, but don’t stop here.

  • Sit down with your spouse and honestly evaluate your devotion to the mission that God has given you.
  • What aspects of your life demonstrate that your God-given mission of making disciples means anything to you?
  • What aspects of your life stand in blatant disobedience to God’s command to make disciples?
  • Thinking very practically, how can you begin to restructure your lives with the words “make disciples” at the center? 
  • While this command requires a complete restructuring of your life, you also need to do something immediately. You can’t keep putting God’s mission off. Decide on at least one thing you can do to refocus on God’s mission. Consider things like:
                                  - Find a way to serve someone.                                     
                                  - Remove (at least temporarily) some of the things that may be good, but are                                   functioning as distractions: like social media/screen time, hobbies, sports,                                     kids’ activities.
                                  - Initiate a conversation with someone that you can begin discipling or be                                         discipled by.


“If we are not making decisions in our lives that seem weird or radical to lukewarm people, we probably need to evaluate what’s going on. Believers on a mission are going to look a little crazy to most of the world…What about your life indicates that you are not living for this world?” -Lisa Chan, Chapter 4


Pray for One Another

Spend some time in prayer. Ask God to give you a passion for His mission of making disciples. Pray for unity as you and your spouse seek to pursue this mission together. Ask God to shape every area of your life around His glory and His mission.


BURN BRIGHTER (More resources) 
If you have time, read Chapter 4.
(Download the App, You and Me Forever by: Francis and Lisa Chan)


Here are a few of my favorite quotes by Francis Chan in this Chapter:


 “A marriage cannot be healthy unless we are seeking His kingdom and righteousness first (Matt. 6:33). Being in war together is what keeps us from being at war with each other.”


“Unity is the natural result of two people following one Spirit in a life devoted to the mission.”


The command to make disciples should take priority over everything else and dictate everything about your life. You should not make a single decision without the words “make disciples” factoring in.



*Parents: Session Six is on Parenting to the Glory of God, but we could not dedicate a week to every Session. I (Heather) just listened to it, and it would definitely be worth your time. The Chan’s are so transparent about their journey. Try to find time to listen as you go about life sometime soon. You can also read the chapter for free on the app and/or there are discussion questions included at the end of the chapter.

DATE NIGHT WEEK 2

https://youtu.be/6q2i4B664Jo

FIRE STARTER

The Tied Up Challenge – Tie behind your back or otherwise immobilize your right arm and your spouse’s left arm, or vice versa. Between the two of you, you’ll have two hands free with which you’ll attempt to complete a task. You could try making a sandwich, folding a paper airplane, or tying a shoe. You and your spouse are “one flesh” (Ephesians 5:31), work like it!


WATCH TOGETHER

Watch Francis & Lisa Chan's goofy rap video for this video series on marriage called You and Me Forever: https://youtu.be/6q2i4B664Jo


Session 3: Marriage in Light of Christ’s Example

Videos found here: https://www.youandmeforever.org/study-videos


ASK, LISTEN, SHARE

Discussion Questions:

1 - Sit down with a piece of paper and make a list of areas where you believe you are demonstrating

Christ-likeness. This doesn’t mean you’re perfect in these areas, just put down ways in which you are

seeing some resemblance to Jesus.

2 - Next, make a list of areas in which you need to grow in your Christ-likeness. Be honest.

3 - Share your lists with each other. Don’t use this as an opportunity to sink in those criticisms you’ve

been too fearful to share; rather, let this be an honest conversation about the ways in which you do and don’t resemble Christ. Since we all have blind spots, it’s helpful to get your spouse’s input on where you are actually doing well, and where you most need to grow.

4 - Discuss ways in which you can help each other in this journey towards Christ-likeness.


PRAY FOR ONE ANOTHER

Dear Lord,

Thank You for my (husband/wife). I praise You for their presence in my life and how they (name ways

your spouse shows you Jesus).  We ask to be seekers of You (God) and consistently walk in Your ways. We ask to live and love like Jesus does. We ask for a true humility and a sacrificial honoring towards one another. Our need for You Lord is continual. Thank You for (name spouse) and that You brought our lives together for a purpose. May we live for You every moment of everyday.


Feel free to add your own thoughts or pray as you are led. 


EMBERS

Choose one main thought from tonight’s time together that you want to apply or remember for later.


BURN BRIGHTER (More resources)

Download the App, You and Me Forever by: Francis and Lisa Chan, If you have time, read Chapter 3 and answer these 2 questions:


1 -Spend time thinking about Jesus. Don’t rush. What do you find compelling about Him? What makes

Him so beautiful? What characteristics does He embody that you are drawn to? What actions did He

perform that grab your attention? Make a list. What is it that makes Jesus so compelling?

2 - Share your thoughts with your spouse. What did your spouse notice that you did not? Have an

honest conversation about what each of you would look like if you were to imitate these qualities of

Jesus in your marriage. Be very practical in your descriptions.


DATE NIGHT WEEK 1

WEEK 1: Date Nights In(tro)


During this strange time when it’s more difficult to get time away from your home, kids or to do normal date night activities out, we’ve decided to help our couples/families by arranging Date Nights In that you can do at home. So each week in June, we will post new content, new activities, videos and games that will help your marriage grow stronger and provide a little laughter along the way.  


Best of all, we have a surprise for you on week 4! 
For all who sign up, we will be packaging a date night “goodie bag” that you can pick up from church that week. So please sign up at this link so we determine how many goodie bags to prepare. 


Our desire is to serve you so that you can be better together!




FIRE STARTER


The Name Game – For each letter of your spouse’s name, choose a complimentary adjective to describe them. (Go for gold by doing this for their entire name – first, middle and last.) Pay particular attention to highlighting and fostering strengths that directly contribute to the health of your relationship. 


WATCH TOGETHER 


Session 1: Marriage in Light of God’s Glory (general introduction) 


Session 2: Marriage in Light of the Gospel


Videos found here: https://www.youandmeforever.org/study-videos




ASK, LISTEN, SHARE 


Discussion Questions:


1 - Describe what you were each like when you first met.


2 - How are you different now? How have you grown or regressed over the course of your relationship?


3 - Look forward 10 years. If your marriage was to be exactly what you wanted it to be in 10 years, what would it look like?


4 - Considering Point A (where your relationship started) and Point B (where you stand right now), what steps will you need to take to get to Point C (where you want to be in 10 years)? 
What sacrifices will you need to make? What habits and pursuits will you need to cultivate? Which will you need to do away with? How can you help each other along this path?



PRAY FOR ONE ANOTHER


Dear Lord, 


Thank you for my (husband/wife). I praise you for how you made them and how they (name 3 positive qualities). I ask for you to help us align our goals of (name one or more goals) for our marriage with your ultimate desire for us. We need you Lord. Thank you for (name spouse) and for our future together!



Feel free to add your own thoughts or pray as you are led. 


EMBERS  


Record one main thought from tonight’s time together that you want to apply or remember for later. 


BURN BRIGHTER (More resources)


Download the App (for apple devices) You and Me Forever by: Francis and Lisa Chan, The app contains the book for free on a pdf.
 If you have time, read Chapter 1 & 2 and answer these 2 questions:


1 - Can you list what Jesus has done for you? (This should not be a short list. Set a time limit of 5 minutes if that would be helpful.) What did He do? How has your life changed through what He has done?


2 - Make a list of the ways the gospel should transform your marriage. Consider how Jesus’ sacrificial example should affect the way you respond to your spouse. How should the gift of the Holy Spirit revitalize your marriage? Include both big picture realities (like “this gives me strength when I don’t feel like serving”) and specific action steps (like “this will enable me to speak kindly to my spouse when__________”).